Toby's Log page 117

Cat Replaced

A week and a half ago I replaced the catalytic converter on my car. As I had said, during my trip to Lakewood, it had broken in two near the flange at the front, so I needed a new one. NAPA surprisingly didn’t carry one for that particular car. I went to Advanced Auto, as they had the cheapest quote that I got. The cats they had, however, didn’t have flanges, so I would have to figure out some way to attach them, perhaps a clamping flange. I paid the 30 extra dollars at Auto Zone for the one with the flanges. It included gaskets as well, but no bolts. I was going to just use the old bolts, but I had to cut two of them with the angle grinder. I wanted to replace them with stainless steel, but no one seemed to carry metric stainless. I bought some cheap regular ones to use until I can find the stainless in metric. Lowe’s amazingly didn’t seem to have metric at all, so my temporary bolts are 9/16″. I grabbed them all from the 5/8″ bin, but they seem to require the 9/16″ wrench. Strange. In addition to stainless bolts, I also wanted a stainless exhaust, but they seem to be way too expensive, even much more than the expensive cost I thought they’d be. Instead, I plan to buy some engine block 1200Β° or 1800Β° paint to seal the exhaust from exterior rust anyways. Hopefully that’ll increase the lifespan noticeably. The rest of the exhaust system seems to be in need of replacement, as it is getting rather loud again, so I’ll try to paint it when I do that.


Mrs mouse is missing

Mrs mouse would frequently sneak over to my kitchen, finding bits of food to eat. I’ve been moving all the food I can to places difficult for her to reach and I swept the floor to get rid of crumbs there. A couple of nights ago, I made a late dinner, at perhaps 200 or 300. For part of that, she was in there. Every time I’d go nearby where she was, she’d zip accross to a hiding place. Then, when I’d go sit down at the table for a while to eat, she’d sneak back out.

Perhaps the declining levels of available food combined with my increased presence in the kitchen during her meal times led her to decide to move to a new home, because I haven’t seen her for several days now. I’ll still keep an eye out for her; perhaps she’s changed her schedule to work around the times I’m not there better. I do hope she’s gone though, and has find a better, more inviting home. I don’t want to find a decaying mouse body hidden underneath the bath tub when I’m doing some plumbing underneath there.


Dwight’s new ride

Dwight got a new car. It was amazingly new, being only three years old. His previous two cars were quite old and in bad shape, the very reason both were dumped. His car is very new and shiny looking. The engine compartment even looks clean and nice, with everything in there seemingly designed with a neat appearance in mind. The car is a Ford Focus station wagon. Despite it being a car instead of a truck, it fits the equipment quite nicely. Theres not quite as much room as the truck; it can fit our regular equipment, but not extraneous equipment that we occasionally need to take such as the Rogue PA for our vocals, and it can fit at best two people with one being rather uncomfortable, instead of three with one being slightly uncomfortable. It was quite surprising. It even actually fits Pickles, Rockwood’s speaker cabinet, better, as it has more head room. The cabinet can be slid straigh in instead of tilted and then slid in like we had to do with the truck, making it much easier to do. The doors on the side provide easier access to stuff near the front, so I don’t even have to climb in at all. It is lower to the ground as well, making it easier to reach in. Awesome.


Lakewood visit

Yesterday, in place of going sailing, I went on a bike ride down in Lakewood. I drove down and parked at Lakewood Park. I used to go there a lot, with the family on picnics (often KFC), with the summer daycare type thing I was in, and occasionally to see fireworks and bands play. While there yesterday, I saw all the kids that must have come from the summer daycare thing playing on the playground and swimming in the pool. There were certainly a lot of them. The park had changed in several ways. The playground area was totally redone, though I had seen the beginning of that remake near the end of my life there. Also, a skate park was added just recently, a few months ago evidently, and a building near the parking lot was renovated. Other than that it was very much the same. Quite amazing. I took pictures here and of other places throughout the day that brought back memories.

I took my bike from my car and rode around town. I first rode to my old street. I saw the old school, Lincoln, where I spent 6 years of my life. Lots of things happened there, and many of the people I knew I went to school with there. Riding down the street, I came to my old house. It looked very much the same, old and gray. The three neighbors house on the one side, Chris’s, the McCray’s, and Phil’s old house, looked almost the same, but changed a bit. The playhouse was gone from the back of Chris’s house, now that Katie had grown up. At Chris’s and the McCray’s, there were a lot more flowers in the front yard. At Phil’s old house, two big trees from the tree lawn were gone, making it look very empty. There was a tall fernlike plant and some other plants in the front yard. Otherwise, they were very much the same, with the same colors and the big fence in the McCray’s back yard. It didn’t look like anyone was home at the McCray’s or Chris’s, except for in the upstairs of the duplex Chris lives in (I never knew the person who lived there though). I wondered what had happened to everybody. I saw a young kid go into the garage of my old house.

I then rode on down the street. I saw the old rail road tracks, and then Ross’s Deli, where I used to go to buy Laffy Taffy, Bonkers, and other treats. I saw the Taco Bell next door. I rode around some more, and came to Woodward, where Phil had moved a year or so before I left. I wasn’t sure which house was his, but thought 1510 sounded familiar. Riding passed, it looked like it could have been it, but it would have changed a bit, getting a fence to the backyard and losing the basketball hoop on the garage. No one seemed to be home. Riding on, I went down to Edwards Park, where I had played a bit as a kid. I then rode on down the street where my friend Ian used to live. I really had no clue where his house was: I thought I remembered it being on the corner, but then I also remember walking down the street several houses to find it on the side toward my house. I also thought I remembered a big tree in the front yard, and a gray color to the house. I remembered little else about the house, as we spent our time inside. I rode up and down a couple times, but couldn’t tell at all which it was. Not many people were home at the time.

I rode down past the old middle school, Horace Mann, where I spent one year. It looked quite the same big old brick building. I then went back down to Lakeland and looked more closely at Lincoln. Both a new parking lot and playground had been added soon before I left. The playground had been changed at least a little since then, as there was no tire swing where it had been before. A gazebo and some plants had been added to where part of the parking lot had been before the new one was put in. That may have been there before I left, but I don’t remember it. I rode past the houses once more, and it still looked like no one was home at the two neighbors. I rode on down and walked along the railroad tracks to the small park nearby. I hadn’t gone there a whole lot, but did play put-put at the course that had been put in there several years before I left. Bored, I went over to the library and decided just to read for a bit. Up until this point, and especially at the library, I was checking out every person that looked to be about my age to see if they might be someone I knew. I was hoping that I may chance upon someone, though I knew my chances were extremely slim. I looked around a bit and then read a book on objects in PHP 5. I couldn’t read much of it though, as my thoughts were elsewhere.

I left to just ride around for a bit; I expected that 17:00 would potentially bring my neighbors home, so I would ride until around then. I saw the little strip-mall area that had been put in during my stay. It used to have Arabica, where I had once gotten ice cream, but it looked like some other coffee shop in its place. I rode around some more and then rode down Detroit a good ways. I didn’t plan to turn off it, but I found myself in a right turn only lane. I then turned again. I surprisingly passed one of the park entrances to the Rocky River, the place where Paul and I sail out from. I could even see the parking lot and boat ramps. I had no idea it was that close to Lakewood. I rode around a bit, taking pictures of some of the expensive houses out there. Paul and I had actually cycled around that area once not too long ago when we had ridden up to the Lake from a park near his house (sort of anyway). I rode farther than we had ridden along that route though, and saw a park that I had visited only a couple of times, with my parents and possibly my cousins the Shury’s.

I rode back to Rocky River and rode down to the dock area, as Paul had said he was sailing out at around 5, and it was in fact around 5. He wasn’t there. The lake was looking rough, it was very windy, and dark clouds were coming in, so I suspected he had checked the weather and saw it was looking too bad to go out. I walked around the marina area a bit, and checked out some of the sailboats there. Before I left, I decided to leave them a message in case they did come. I rode around the parking lot picking up sticks, then put them together to spell out my name near where Paul usually parks to step the mast and set up the boat. Riding away, I noticed it wasn’t easily visible from very far away, but I hoped they’d get close enough to see it. At this point, I could hear thunder, it was getting very windy, and the clouds were getting very dark.

I rode back to Lakeland for one last visit. This time, a car was in the drive at the McCray’s. I slowly rode past, not seeing anybody. I rode down to Lincoln, deciding if I should knock on the door or not. When I came back, a woman sat out on the porch that looked very much like I remembered Mrs. McCray looking. But it had been so long, that I wasn’t sure. I rode past and thought a bit about what I should do, what I should say. I’m still, after all, very shy. A car pulled out that was parked across from the McCray’s and drove by. It looked like it could have been Rena, and I soon found out it was. I then got the strength to go up to Mrs. McCray. I rode up, and asked if she was Mrs. McCray. She said she was. I approached the porch and told her I had lived down the road a bit years ago. She then began to recognize me. I couldn’t think of much to say, and it was a bit awkward for a moment, but then I asked how Rena and David had been. David was down in Columbus going to school. He didn’t like school much, and wasn’t sure what he wanted to do. Rena had gone to school for both nursing and psychology, and also wasn’t sure what she wanted to do. She was doing something related to nursing now, and was planning on getting into lab work for a while. Mrs. McCray called out her husband, Dave. He was surprised to see me. We talked for a bit and I gave him my parents’ phone number, as he had lost it. He said they had talked about my dad just recently.

Dave took me over to show me to Chris, who also still lived in the same place. Chris didn’t recognize me at first, but soon after realized who I was without even having to be told. His wife came out as well. She didn’t recognize me right away, and I actually didn’t recognize her either; I didn’t remember her very well. We all sat out on the porch and talked for a bit. Eileen (Mrs. McCray) soon came over as well. Chris’s wife (I believe her name was Jeanne) went and picked up little Katie, who wasn’t quite so little anymore, and was going on 17. She looked much older, of course, but I could still see the same facial features from before. She didn’t really remember me, though she did remember my brother a bit. She sat on the porch with us for a bit, but went inside when someone called on the phone.

They told me of what had happened since I was gone. It was mostly the same. The had recently had a block party, and had had two others since we left. Dave was one of the people setting the recent one up, and Chris had been on the one before that. They had put up a volleyball net accross the street, had games for the kids, a raffle, and free pizza. Evidently, some residents had gotten mad about the whole thing and tried to drive their cars on through. One had called the police, who told him that the block had gotten a permit for the party and so was allowed to block off the street. Flyers had been handed out to warn everybody to move their cars to parking lots at either end, but some still found that too inconvenient for a day. Chris and Dave had been working on their houses, especially Chris. He had sanded off all the old paint and repainted. The McCray residence still had the same old paint, though it will need to be redone soon. My old house had seen several crazy residents come and go before settling on the quiet mom with her child that lived there now. The residents beforehand had been loud, and one had stolen a package. One had been renting the house out, though it’s not supposed to be. Other neighbors, who I hadn’t known too well, had moved out.

I told them about what had happened on my end as well, how I had graduated from Kent for restaurant management and planned to possibly open a restaurant with my brother, how I had moved into a trailer near my parents and needed to do work on it, how my brother had also moved out, and how my dad had had a heart attack but was doing fine now.

I was offered and ate tortilla chips, some tasty amish cheese, some iced tea, and then two tacos. They said they were going to invite my parents over for some kind of party soon. I hope they do. I really miss the old neighborhood and the sense of community we had there. I’d like to know what my life would have been like had I not moved. I guess that’s quite impossible though. I then said bye and rode off to my car. It was a little bit wet from the short rain we had gotten while on the porch.

I realized I left there much later than I had wanted to. It was almost 21:00 when I got to my car, and I had to be in Kent for my show. Normally I try to make it there by 22:00, though we don’t play till 22:30. I looked at the map, but saw no quick easy way apparent to get to Kent. I drove by the Lakewood Winking Lizard while going to the highway. I drove on, unsure of exactly where I was going to go. I looked at the map as I approached several of the exits, trying to decide which I should take. I eventually decided I should take the long route that was all highway driving, down into Akron, then over and back up a good bit along 76. Somewhere along the way, my exhaust got extremely loud. It was somewhat painful to the ears. I was quite worried a cop would pull me over about it. None did though, even riding home. It was definately loud enough that people were looking at me though. When I parked near the ECC, I looked under the car. I saw that there was a clean crack right through the exhaust at one point, and the front part was hangin down so that it was shooting the exhaust straight out from there. Later, with aid of a flashlight, I found out that the crack was through the one end of the catalytic converter, right next to the flange used to bolt it to the front part of the exhaust. This means I will need a new cat. They are a bit expensive. I’ll also have to figure out how to get to the store to get one, as I’m not sure I want to drive it around much. Another difficulty is that today I was going to get the car transferred to my name, so I was going to get it e-checked, then go get the title transferred, then get the plates. I certainly won’t pass e-check bypassing entirely the cat. That may have to wait till tomorrow.


rough waters last week, this week no trip

The title sums it up well. Last Wednesday, me and Paul went out to sail, but the waves were quite rough. They were said to be 3-5 feet. I feel they were worse than the time we went out with Joey and Vince, though he says they were better: it may be because of the additional weight provided by the two. We rolled quite a bit to the side at times, worrying me. When with Joe and Vince, I wasn’t very worried. We motored about for a bit. I did some motoring as well. It was quite difficult in the waves, and I felt uncomfortable doing it. I then motored back down the river. I attempted to dock, but had lots of trouble. I tried a couple of times, but found it too difficult to shift the gearing of the motor while carefully manuevering the boat.

This week, Paul is doing some mill-wright training. He will be doing that instead of sailing during the day today. He’s sailing with Ally at 1700, but I will probably not have enough time to do that and make it back in time for my band’s show. I instead will be going on a long biking trip up in my old neighborhood of Lakewood. I miss the friends and life I had there. I want to see what happened.


frued: repressed memories

Freud showed that some psychotic disorders could be fixed if certain ‘repressed’ memories were drawn into the ‘concious’ part of the brain.

People don’t necessarily actively try to forget things in their past. Sometimes they do, but everything in the past fades away as time goes by. New memories butt in for room amongst the old ones, and sit more towards the ‘front’ of ‘conciousness’. Current events are most commonly the most important at any given moment, so they are given prime memory real estate, while old ones are filed away.

Every even in ones past is essentially what one is in the present. If any of those past things had happened differently, the present person would be different. It may be such a slight difference as to be unnoticable, or it may be so large that it would seem impossible the two people could be the same one biologically, depending on the significance of the effects of the event on that person. The human psyche has a tendancy to want to know who it is. Who it was is very important to understanding who it is. As everything in the past has an effect on the present, an understanding of that past helps understand who that present person is. The more significant the event, the greater an effect it had on the present, and thus the more important its understanding helps understand the present.

So unearthing hidden memories of significance helps one understand who one is, allowing one to be more comfortable with oneself.


lakewood class of 2000 folk

I went to Lincoln Elementary and, for sixth grade only, to Horace Mann Middle School. Those were some great years and I knew lots of cool people. Lots of things happened in my life then that made me who I am today. I really miss those days and all the fun I had. Some recent searching through various things I still have from then, after seeing a girl who looked like someone I had known, brought back many good memories. I had not thought much about that time period for many years.

When I moved away, things seemed to change for the worse. The shy person that I am, I had lots of trouble adjusting to the move from elementary school to middle school. Lots of my friends went to another middle school or had classes in a totally different part of the school. There were also lots of new people there, and classes were done much differently, with a teacher for each subject instead of one for most of them. One of my best friends had moved several blocks away and also was attending that other middle school. I was much more socially cut off than I had been during the elementary years. Then I moved to a new home. Suddenly, all of those people were completely gone, and everybody was totally new. I got one friend easily, because he was my neighbor. I had too much trouble reaching out to anyone else. I went through school hardly talking to anyone at all, except the one neighbor. He went to a private high school, so I then had nobody at school. I’ve never recovered socially from that, and currently have virtually no friends. I lack the social skills to gain any.

I’d like to contact some of you folk who were my friends then, at least to hear what had happened after I left. Phil Nash, David and Rena McCray, and Ian Howard were all my best friends back then. Some of my favorite times were with you. I had a bit of a ‘crush’ on Rena. Joey Machol, Morgan Bishop, and Ryan Overman were also good friends. There were lots of other really cool people as well. Angie Bowers was the girl I thought I saw at a recent show of my bands. I didn’t get a chance to ask her if it was her: I’m of course rather shy; I have a poor memory and was unsure if I remembered correctly ; I also wanted to wait until after the bands were done, but she left before then.

I tried to find information on some of you on the internet, but that never seems to succeed well. All I found were a few stories in the high school newspaper with quotes from Rena or written by Ian.

If any of you folk, especially if you remember me, would like to contact me, that’d be really cool. I feel this awful, melancholy feeling right now that what was once my life and joy has disappeared forever, leaving only a few pictures and papers and some faded memories.


accident and dead deer

My ride to band practice was both long and interesting today. The traffic was awful on the way there. I was in two seperate sets of stop and go traffic. Both times it took me somewhere around 10 minutes to go perhaps a half mile. The second traffic jam was caused by an accident on Graham Road. There were lots of emergency vehicles surrounding it, taking up two lanes of the four lane road, so traffic had to be averted into one lane of the other side of the road. It took a while for that to happen, so there was lots of waiting. As I drove past, I couldn’t see what happened, with all the emergency vehicles in the way, but I did see a stretcher with a group of people around it. They had very blank expressions on their face, so I couldn’t tell what was happening very well. I will have to look for some sort of news about the accident; I’d like to be able to find out about the accidents I actually see.

A little further on down Graham, the traffic was still pretty bad. A couple of cop cars drove by, one with flashers. I stopped at a traffic light. The road was clear on my side of the road but only partially on the other. A little fawn, of whom I have no idea how it got into that residential side of the road at that time of day, made a made dash to get accross. It was really flying. The cars on my side had been stopped, so they just didn’t accelerate fast and were able to avoid it. On the other side, a red car of some sort must not have seen the little thing speeding across and ran right into it. The fawn flew forward relative to the car a bit, flailing about, as well as forward in its direction of movement, so that it arrived right in front of a truck that stopped in time to avoid it and soon fell to the pavement. The red car sped along past, while the truck driver sat looking down at it. It seemed to happen so fast, yet take a long time. From a bit back, I thought the fawn was not badly injured and wondered why it wasn’t getting up. As I went past, however, I saw a large pool of blood that looked like it eminated from its nose. Not something I like to see. A frantic young life cut off. I drove past, so I don’t know what became of the deer or the truck driver sitting there looking at it. Damn red car driver.


mrs mouse

I have a friendly visitor to my house. She’s small, brown, and furry. I’ve seen her three times now. The first, I was sitting on the toilet, and she ran from behind it past my feet. It startled me a bit. Later, I saw her walking by my bedroom door. When she saw me, she ran back again. Later that night, I saw her run past my bedroom door the other way, so she must have snuck past at some point. She was in the kitchen end of the house, but I searched all my limited selection of stored food and found no possibilities of entry by a small rodent. She may have simply eaten crumbs off the floor or from around my toaster. I’d prefer not to have a mouse in my house, so I’m trying to get rid of all possible food sources for her in hopes that she’ll have to go elsewhere to eat. I’ve temporarily moved most food items she’d likely be interested in to places that’d be quite hard or even not especially possible for her to reach. I’d prefer to remove her and prevent her comrades from moving in by eliminating the habitat mice are looking for. I’ll do some research to figure out the best way soon


clear but windy

Went out again. Looks like this’ll be a weekly thing on Wednesdays, as I always have the day off for the Wednesday night Yars shows. This trip was just me and Paul. We both had strangely woken up at 06:00, the same time we woke up last week. I only got maybe four hours of sleep. We also both went onto AIM and talked to each other. So we decided to go sailing, and I headed over. We put up the sails while in the parking lot, which proved much easier than on the boat. The lake was about as calm as possible, with almost no waves at all, yet there was a good stiff wind coming from the north. It gave us plenty of power to speed around with. It is much easier to manuever around and set the sails properly with a good stiff wind. We started off heading toward Avon, but saw a mysterious tall colorful object far off shore that we decided to sail toward. It turned out to be the colorful spinaker of a larger sailboat. We then took turns single-handedly manuevering around. We did some figure eights around two buoys.

There were many other sailboats on the water. A large group of them were from some sort of sailing school. Lots of little kids in varying sizes of small sailboats were practicing manuevering around while instructors sped around in motor boats whistling at them. After a while, they all went in. Many other sailboats were going out and coming in as well. The Lager, a rather large sailboat, motored pretty far out and then motored back in, never setting sail.

We were a bit worried about storms coming, as they were predicted for later in the day, but the sky was quite clear. After a while, most of our wind died down and became very intermitent. We decided to go back in. We took down both the sails and the boom before heading in. I motored down the river for a bit, but there was lots of traffic. Another group of sailboats was headed out from the school, so there were sailboats sailing and being pulled by motorboats all over the one side of the river. There were also a couple of other motor boats, and then came along what must have been a school of young kayakers going perpendicular to us. This made for tough manuevering, so Paul took over.

A nice trip. I like manuevering around; probably the funnest part of it all. We were going to change the oil of our engine, as it has reached the break-in hours for the first batch of oil, but it looked too much like it would rain. Later we shall.